Biohazard Man Version 2 - September 17, 2010

Biohazard Man is back and he is bigger and better than ever! Check out this new Biohazard Man Version 2 graphic - leaner, more mature, and more graceful by far. This new image is mildly more accurate. There is even a Blackberry in his hand! You can read all about Biohazard Man's superpowers and see the Version 1 graphic in the original Biohazard Man post.

Early on in the scheme of things, after the initial shock of the cancer diagnosis and two TURBT surgeries, the absurdity of the process and the treatments started to appeal to me, and Biohazard Man was born. BCG is toxic, and it contains live, attenuated mycobacteria. Because of the potential risk for transmission, it should be prepared, handled, and disposed of as a biohazard material. And suddenly I have this stuff sloshing around in my bladder making my urine also toxic, requiring six hours of special handling after the initial instillation period. One must admit that nearly all superheroes were spawned from such odd beginnings - bite from a radioactive spider, a special mask, a powerful suit - so a toxic bladder seems right in line.

Let's face it. Here is a life-threatening disease whose treatment is a tube forced up your most private part in front of many witnesses of both genders, after which you are filled with toxic bio-cooties, all of this done on a regular basis, and you are even paying someone to do it to you! If you can't see the absurdity and have some fun with it, you are really missing out. I made up some business cards with the original graphic, my name, and the web page address of this blog on them. By last count I had given out over 100 of them. So now the challenge will be to incorporate the new design. As before, Biohazard Man is faster than a speeding ballet! More powerful than a loco-pollo!! Able to mount tall toilets at a single bound!!! Look in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!! It's BIOHAZARD MAN!!!! Beware of my toxic pee!

I have written here on more than one occasion that attitude is the most important thing, and this character is my attempt to spread good humor for all who wrestle with the evil forces of bladder cancer.

2nd BCG Maintenance Series (1 of 3) - January 29, 2009

The Biohazard Man is back, and feeling kind of... OK. Based on my experience last time with 1/3 BCG dose, I was expecting this one to be a cake walk. It was not, but it was MUCH easier than the full or half doses before. I wonder if I really got the right dosage last time. No matter. A few things were different (and more disgusting) this time, so to protect our more sensitive readers the details have been relegated to the Series 2 Backup Page (7/10 on the gross-out scale). I have created a "misery index" to help compare each time, and while it's completely subjective, it might help to explain how I'm feeling. The scale-up duration is measured from the onset of symptoms to the peak, after which it tapers off. While the taper off is still miserable, knowing it will be better each time rather than worse takes all of the edge off. I also rate the peak misery on a 1-10 scale. I have never experienced a 10, and I hope that I never will. Here's how it shakes out comparing the last three to this one:

LAST TIME
Series 1 (1 of 3) Misery scale-up duration 2.25 hours, peak 8/10
Series 1 (2 of 3) Misery scale-up duration 4.00 hours, peak 9/10
Series 1 (3 of 3) Misery scale-up duration under 1 hour, peak 1/10

and TODAY
Series 2 (1 of 3) Misery scale-up duration 2.25 hours, peak 4/10

I decided after sleeping on it that the words above don't really capture the difference well, especially for visual people (like me). So I came up with a BCG Relative Misery graph that appears to do the trick. Hopefully it's more clear now! I shall continue to collect data and post updates on the Series 2 Backup Page as progress continues.

(click to enlarge)

So now you can quickly tell it was not awful this go-around, but not nearly as easy as the last time.
In other news, the diet and exercise continue. Though we need to be more careful on the diet. And I still hate the exercise. Will try to get equipment to do it at home, which will allow me to do it in the morning and get it over with while also reducing the logistics and associated time wasted (going to the gym, changing, changing back, leaving the gym, second shower, etc.)

In still other news, what every Biohazard Man needs is a good Biohazard Chick. So that's why we have the picture at right. In the interest of full disclosure, Mrs. Biohazard is not happy about this at all, as she fears you all will think this is her (it isn't), and she is much more attractive than the girl in the photo (certainly true, apologies to the model). But since Mrs. Biohazard was unwilling to pose for a risque photo of this nature, we are left with what we can find on the internet...

Respect My Superpowers! - July 3, 2008

Faster than a speeding ballet! More powerful than a loco-pollo!! Able to mount tall toilets at a single bound!!! Look in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane!! It's BIOHAZARD MAN!!!!


Yes, it's BIOHAZARD MAN, strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. BIOHAZARD MAN, who can raise the pollution of mighty rivers, bend plastic in his bare hands; and who, disguised as Steve Kelley, mild-mannered process engineer for a great aerospace conglomerate, fights a never ending battle for truth, justice, and the American way. Don't mess with BIOHAZARD MAN - he neutralizes his enemies a mile or more away with a burst of toxic pee from his mutant bladder, consigning them to a slow and painful death. Given enough iced tea BIOHAZARD MAN can pee a secure a perimeter or cordon an area for quarantine. No mortal being can dare to stand against BIOHAZARD MAN's unique bio-immunotherapy enhanced urine stream! Join with him as he continues the never-ending fight against evildoers while resisting the lure of the dark side! Yes, it's BIOHAZARD MAN, the greatest American hero!!! And YOU can help him in his daily battle to find his sworn arch enemy - Rubberglove Man - and bring that evil villain to justice!!!


Sure, it's silly. What's the point of having a dreaded disease and a comically toxic treatment if you can't have some fun with it? And while the picture above certainly lines up with the fantasy, the reality is somewhat more gritty. One thing to never forget, and always remember - don't EVER stand between BIOHAZARD MAN and the nearest toilet! This second picture to the right is more representative of our real-life superhero - the man - the legend...uh, the chunky guy in a cape that's REALLY gotta pee!!!!


As it turns out, there is already a comic book character called Biohazard, pictured below, but BIOHAZARD MAN was up for grabs... Thanks to my brother GiantFoamFinger Man for his inspiration and dedication to all things superhero!